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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First stop, the souk. I’m hustlin’ through the narrow alleys of Souk Al-Mubarakiya, dodgin’ tourists and locals alike. Everyone’s out here haggling over spices and trinkets. I’m just tryin’ to get to my favorite spot for some shawarma. Man, that stuff is life! But guess what? The line is longer than the Gulf Road! I’m standin’ there, sweatin’ like a sinner in church, thinkin’, “Why do I even bother?”

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